Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
