party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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