How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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