I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
