at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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