i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
