Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
