cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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