oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
