Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
