im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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