I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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