"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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