Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Jerry, you need to find god
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
