the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
