I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize