I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
