I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
ttyl tear gas
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
