I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
