Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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