I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
