Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
