He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
