He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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