you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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