got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
