yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
