which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
