Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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