Plan B is the new Plan A
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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