She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
