uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
