And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
