my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
