what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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