New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
