Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
