she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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