He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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