what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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