My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
