Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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