you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
