im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
