please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
