my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
