well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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