I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
