I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
