so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's rum buckets o'clock
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
