Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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