just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
