Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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