I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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