i think my tv is drunk
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
