So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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